My husband left for work this morning dressed in black. I can’t even imagine the thoughts going through his mind as he was mentally preparing himself for today. I’m sure the majority of the kids had already heard that they had lost a classmate yesterday.
Josh had texted me at work yesterday, letting me know a co-worker’s son had passed away in his sleep. His son was only a senior in high school. They don’t know what caused him to pass, all they know is the Lord called him home after just a short 18 years here on earth.
My Biggest Fear
As a parent, the thought of losing my child terrifies me. Years before I was born, my grandmother lost a daughter due to a tragic car accident when she was in her 20’s. One of my clients at work lost their daughter due to an aneurysm just months before her high school graduation. I remember the newspaper write up where her father had recalled them taking a spontaneous trip to Tennessee to see the solar eclipse. He was so thankful to have that memory. The eclipse was less than a month before she passed away. Every moment is so precious, because you never know when the unthinkable could happen.
Then I consider what could be worse, losing a child that you have raised for the past 18 to 20 years or losing a child you haven’t even met yet. This is such a silly and irrational thought. I actually feel guilty thinking it but these are the thoughts that run through a mother’s mind and maybe you’ve thought them too. As I pondered this question, I can only imagine the pain. It definitely hurts, just differently.
The Angel Babies
I remember the day so vividly when we got the call that our best friends had a miscarriage. At that point I don’t even recall if I had seriously considered having kids myself but that didn’t matter. I felt their pain. My heart dropped and I physically felt their pain. I laid in the fetal position in our bed and silently cried until I fell asleep.
One of our other close friends carried their third child to term. They made it to the hospital prepared for delivery only to discover the baby was gone. Then she had to do the unthinkable, give birth to an angel baby.
I can’t even imagine the pain these two women I admire so much went through. They showed me how to have faith in God in the hardest moments, and know that He is in control of all things.
The Whys
I know you’re probably asking me why I’m sharing all these terrible stories? It’s really killing the mood. Maybe you’ve been through this before, I’m so sorry, or maybe you know someone who has, I’ve been in your shoes.
When dealing with grief, I think the hardest thing to grasp is why. I mean yes, you can scientifically explain a lot of things, but that doesn’t answer the actual why we are looking for: Why me, why my child, why her, why them? While it is perfectly okay to ask these questions, we sometimes have to realize we are not going to get that answer, at least not here on earth. God has a reason for everything. Only He knows why. While this probably isn’t comforting in the least, He truly is the only comfort to be found in times like these.
These are what I call “not so gentle reminders”
- Be kind to one another because you don’t know what someone else is going through.
- Put down your phone and actually be present with your children. Cherish every moment with them.
- Make memories with one another now, not when you find time. Make time! You honestly don’t know it’s going to be the last time.
